Children Of The Corn.

12 Oct

You guys. WHAT is going on with Candy Corn this year?? Despite its legendary status as the candy everyone loves to hate, it’s totally hitting the mainstream.  I, myself, am Team Candy Corn. I don’t care if it’s made of candles and food coloring, it’s delicious. But this year, I think I’ve already ingested a good couple pounds of it without even trying. Why? Because suddenly it is everywhere.

I found a couple pieces in my smoothie today. What is happening, World!

I wanted to invent a Candy Corn-horned Unicorn, but all I could come up with was the image (– using my art school skills, ya’ll!). Because Candy Corn and Unicorn don’t mash into one word very well. UniCorn. Same. CandiCorn. Same. UniCandyCorn. Dumb. It will just have to be nameless. Like Prince, when he turned into a symbol.

I ate a hundred of these Oreos in about 3 minutes. If you like Oreos and happiness, you’re in for a treat. And has anyone dissected the Candy Corn M&Ms?What is this. I don’t know. But if I had a baby, I would make them wear it all the time. I confess, it’s adorable. And also I love that she’s eating her costume.

SO many people say they don’t like Candy Corn. Like, truly – hate it. Looking at the bag makes them uncomfortable and sweaty. SO… why is it impossible to find Candy Corn Oreos in Target? It ain’t cuz people hates the corn!This is a festive way to say “I love Candy Corn and fingernails!” Although, for historical accuracy, I feel like the points should be pointier. Unless this is a representation of Candy Corn that’s been flat ironed.

With this year’s Candycornocalypse, I can only assume that next year will be mindblowing. General Mills, wheaty-oat-y cereal with puffy orange, yellow and white marshmallows! Ben and Jerry’s – figure it out! And I’m quite looking forward to the first brand Candy Corn infused vodka. Any takers, Absolut?

Tell me the truth. Y’do a little Candy Corn on the side, this time of year…? I won’t tell.

XX,

L

Oreos, Baby, Nails

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8 Responses to “Children Of The Corn.”

  1. Crystal October 12, 2012 at 9:00 AM #

    THANK GOD you are addressing this situation. It’s like the candycornpocolypse out there!

    • Lauren Bair October 12, 2012 at 9:23 AM #

      I think the Elections are really overshadowing this important issue…

      • Crystal October 12, 2012 at 9:26 PM #

        Seriously, why aren’t the moderators bringing this up?

  2. Clay Connally October 12, 2012 at 9:41 AM #

    i’ve always loved candy corn!! as i’m always ridiculed for my affection, i’m glad there’re others out there that love it, too!

    as for that baby costume, screw the kids only thing, i’m having one made for myself!

    • Lauren Bair October 12, 2012 at 3:19 PM #

      OMG Clay. Please be the first Big Candy Corn…!

  3. tinykitchenstories October 12, 2012 at 3:14 PM #

    I am both highly amused and slightly queasy. Love the CaUniCorn, BTW.

    • Lauren Bair October 12, 2012 at 3:20 PM #

      CaUniCorn works! J, you win for best naming. I wish I had something to give away. Do you like Candy Corn ;)

      • tinykitchenstories October 14, 2012 at 4:49 PM #

        Sure, like there’s any left at *your* house! Ha ha! ;) Not a fan, I’m afraid. My fave Halloween candy was anything miniature, especially Reese’s cups. So please feel free to eat my share of this year’s candycornpocalypse. I’m currently pigging out on the paleo carrot cake I managed to make yesterday. I’m not sure how I was able to share it without stabbing people with my fork….

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