Cougar Life.

7 Oct

sprint-shoot-venice-beach-actorsThere is an ad for something called Cougar Life, running in LA. Are you guys seeing it all over the world — or is this yet another “Keep Hollywood Weird” situation.

I am thinking about it because of this commercial shoot I worked on, recently. It was for Sprint (maybe you will see my face in their stores, Sprint customers!) and I was coupled-up “on a date” with actor Armen Taylor. We had a lot of fun on our Sprint date, taking selfies on Santa Monica Pier one evening by the beach.

Getting paid to enjoy a gorgeous sunset is not horrible.

sprint-shoot-makeupArmen and I were killing some time while the other actors (in the top pic) were shooting their scenes, by chatting about many things. He went to Brown University, I went to… um, art school. Our lively conversation also covered: 1. This app that reveals all the planets as if you’re looking at them through your phone’s camera (– obvs I was impressed. SATURN??! RIGHT HERE IN THE PARKING LOT??!?!?!?), 2. My remarking at “how many freakin kinds of bikes ARE there?” as cyclists zipped by on the bike path, and 3. The one thing that is sure to come out of every youngin’s mouth: “Wait – So, how old are you?” Like, “Just checking, to see if you’re gonna get my Family Guy references…”

I had all my makeup on by this point, so I felt comfortable not lying. Or more specifically, not looking into his clear blue eyes and saying “To you – Old.”

sprint-shoot-wardrobe-makeupBut as it turned out, I was a full on @$#&^% DECADE older than Armen. A DECADE. He’s 6’6″, so next to him, I look like a tiny babylady, but still.

I silently wondered to myself if this qualified me as a Cougar. And are Cougars ever broke? I always imagined them as rich middle aged women, living off some killer alimony, drinking scotch and sodas all day, with one eye on Vanity Fair, and one leering eye on the pool boy.

This is the ad on TV. It’s worth a watch, just for “Ugh…. meat!” which is my favorite part.

There was a young Jewish boy who I delivered dinner to, in Bel Air, one night. He spoke like a wisened man, and tipped me well. He opened the door with, “Why, I didn’t expect such a beautiful delivery person this evening” and I hoped my eyebrows didn’t portray “Tiny tween, what soft cheeks you have” as I tried to figure out what you would call a situation where the gal is old and broke, and the young man is the disgustingly wealthy one.

SugarTwink.

…I dunno. That may be crossing into a different playing field, there…

XX

L

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7 Responses to “Cougar Life.”

  1. Sherrie McKinley October 7, 2013 at 11:51 AM #

    Ugh. A decade, huh? I suppose the only thing to do is take the compliment that you LOOK young enough to be paired on a fictional date with Armen-the-cutie. (Am I a cougar if I think he’s just adorable?)
    Also, it means you are doing interesting things with your life if you end up crossing paths with 20-somethings more than people our age. Everyone wants to be comfortable, but a lot of the people our age with comfortable jobs, McMansions, and toddlers naturally get complacent. And boring. And old.
    (Except you, person reading this with a career, beautiful home, and offspring who are tomorrow’s future. You are doing great.)

    • Lauren Bair October 7, 2013 at 12:07 PM #

      We are both Cougars! I really thought we had to be older for this, but I think it’s just the age distance between the gal, and the Cougar-ee. A decade should do it ;)

      I wrestle so much with wanting what everyone seems to have (what looks like a bona fide McLife!), but then if I really think about it, I love doing the stuff I do. I hope for more satisfaction in that. Whatever that means for my life. I love this comment, Sherrie. Thanks so much for writing. Let’s keep up the good fight ;) XO

  2. tinykitchenstories October 7, 2013 at 11:54 AM #

    SugarTwink—genius! Not sure how your boyf would feel about it though? And did you get my Gwyneth email? I hope you got my sense of humor with that. I meant to say that I hope you get so famous that you don’t have to work anymore an you can just send out newsletters about kale juice. But they wouldn’t be douchey. They’d be cool, like your blog…

    • Lauren Bair October 7, 2013 at 12:10 PM #

      OMG. I’m emailing you back, but um — YES, when I’m famous, I plan to write about how I survive strictly on “flavored Oxygen” and then have everyone striving to be as Oxygenated as me.

      I only say this because a vapor bar opened up near my apartment. What is a vapor bar? I HAVE NO IDEA. But they’re selling us flavored Oxygen that we could get for free by installing a Glade plug-in. XO

      • tinykitchenstories October 7, 2013 at 8:32 PM #

        I can’t wait for the memoirs, then the oxygenated biopic. Who will play you? Who will be worthy?

        And the other commenter is right. You should be so stoked they paired you with someone a decade younger than you. That means you look that young! SCORE!

  3. joel May 28, 2014 at 11:32 PM #

    Those are all good words. But reading through this I couldn’t help but wonder why even wondef if you’re a “cougar”? You are obviously talented, and smokin hot

    • Lauren Bair May 29, 2014 at 12:31 PM #

      Thanks Joel! Hahaha. I dunno… I think cougars can be both of those things ;) I believe it’s an age bracket/tax bracket situation, but I’m just having fun pretending like I’m old in Los Angeles. If you’re not just hitting puberty, you’re basically Betty White, around here. Thanks for commenting!

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