I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this as part of life in LA, but I feel like it’s secretly a thing. Basically: I always have to pee. Let me explain that my parents raised me well. I spent the requisite moments before getting in the car, sitting on the toilet – complaining “I don’t have to go” like every other kid. Therefore, as an adult, I am able to plan accordingly.
However, being that LA is laid out like Jumanji, coupled with the inordinate amount of time spent in one’s car – often in snail’s pace traffic (I feel like my GPS is making fun of me when it asks “Switch to Pedestrian Mode?” in the middle of I-5), it has become one of my top concerns as of late.
1. Did I pee?
2. Do I have to pee?
3. Where’s the nearest loo?
I’m no senior citizen. And I don’t have health concerns that might fuel this fire. And I don’t have one of those adorable tiny bladders that some girls have. Maybe I am guilty of thinking – eh, I can make it to (Point X). But let me tell you, it is no fun business being a chick in stand-still traffic trying to think of anything other than ohmygodIgottapee. Willing lights to turn green. Traffic to move. Eyeing El Pollo Loco wondering if I’d have to buy something if I crashed into their lobby with my car and booked it to the ladies’ room.
My most recent experience with this was today: I dropped off my car at the mechanic. Then I walked several blocks to a Starbucks, and sat myself down with a latte and my new favorite book. After 2 hours, I thought – before I leave, I should go. So I walk to the bathroom. A sign over the doorway says “We’ll be back soon! Out Of Order! Ask a Starbucks Employee for the nearest restroom!” So I do. And the employee says “Oh…yeah…I dunno.” Thanks Starbucks person! So, I pack up my things and hit the pavement. Movie theater, not open yet…restaurants, not open…weird discount home decoration store – YES. I walk in and pretend to look at a vase as I scan the perimeter for a “Restrooms” sign. Bingo. I’m in and out and feeling bladderific.
But this is the thing. It happens over and over and over. Some people might say I’m manifesting this issue by focusing on it. Others might say “Just pee for chrissakes”.
It fascinates me.
Image (that’s a pig driving a pickle car, by the way) by studiobaker