The second after I flung my iPhone to the floor because one more person was calling and I just wanted to scream “I can’t deal with whatever you want right now!” into the receiver, but instead, I broke the whole thing.
Having a screaming baby Bjorn’d onto my chest, her “sleepytime” music on hi-volume, while standing amidst her toys in the living room with a frozen cob of corn in my hand for her to teethe upon.
Burning myself for the second time while trying to transfer boiling candy liquid to a baking pan.
The manager at Mexico City replying to my checking in on my server application, “—Well, if they want you…they’ll call you…” as he made “You know you’re white, right?” eyes at me.
An email requesting prayer for “recovery from our vacation”.
Receiving a really long letter about how much I invested in a relationship and feeling like a fool, reading it.
Getting a temporary phone that takes no photos, nor emails, has no full keyboard, but does sound like every phone that elderly people can’t figure out how to turn off. I don’t blame them. It doesn’t make sense.
Hearing someone gush “God. I always forget how beautiful she is…” to you, as they stare at “her”. When you already feel like a pariah to mankind as a whole.
The dude drinking a beer in the 3rd story window above the deli at Santa Monica/Western who waved at me, then I waved, then he made a mime phone, then I made a “cuttin it off” gesture across my neck, then he made a “turn around” sign, then I saluted him and made my turn on the green arrow.
What actually feels like the poison juices of heartbreak, sadness and aloneness, in my veins. And not being able to do anything but wait for them to work their way out of my system.
It’s been a long week.