The other Kelly day.

20 Sep

This is the day that my sister died.

That’s a picture of the three of us, looking like children of the Dust Bowl — in Pennsylvania. When Autumn arrives, I am reminded of these things: 1. Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte 2. Clear skies, crisp breezes and colorful crunchy leaves (I will forever think of the east coast version of “fall”) 3. The day.

For some reason, this particular one is becoming a followspot upon all the things that I’m struggling with right now. Anything at all frustrating, stressful, heartbreaking, bitter, blue — illuminated. I feel like remembering this day would put all the other crap into perspective. But it seems to make it worse.

Normal                                          

1. Lonely
2. Tired
3. Stressed
4. Financially Strained
5. Feeling Dumpy
6. Peckish
7. Impatient
8. Windowshopping
9. Coconut water
10. Hate my hair

 D-Day

1. No one’s into me — in all the Universe. Including Pluto. And other Universes
2. My eyelids are connected to the center of the Earth
3. I am just looking for a reason to see if I could murder someone with my bare hands, Whistles
4. Should I finally bite the bullet and become a stripper
5. Feeling Mama Cass – without the singing and the famousness
6. Wanting to drown myself in macaroni and cheese
7. Wicked Witch
8. Retail Therapists Anonymous
9. Cocktails +
10. Hate everything

I feel like I’m just wading through things, a bit. Waiting for the same stuff to feel less heavy. Something like that.

XX,

L

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5 Responses to “The other Kelly day.”

  1. graceandivy September 20, 2011 at 12:41 PM #

    Love you girl. Sending you big hugs…wish I could down cocktails with you on this day and have a good cry. Thinking of you today and always. xo

  2. mywanderingmnd April 25, 2012 at 4:36 AM #

    Hi..I used to live in the area & went to your mom’s church. I remember her playing at memorials where they mentioned Kelly. And of course I read her book. I often wondered how it was from a sisters’ perspective-going through things that a parent wouldn’t have. Have you ever considered writing something more in depth like your mom? I realize it’s a painful subject…maybe too much to go back into…but your writing is so good

  3. mywanderingmnd April 26, 2012 at 4:21 AM #

    Hi…I used to live in that area and I went to your mom’s church, and I remember her playing piano at memorial services where Kelly was mentioned. And of course I read her book. My uncle was a Physics teacher at Hempfield and he remembers all of this….I often wondered how it was from a sister’s point of view, going through what you did, having different perspective than a parent. Have you ever considered writing anything more in depth about Kelly? A tribute maybe? I realize it’s always a wound, but your writing does her justice.

    • Lauren May 1, 2012 at 4:47 PM #

      I have, actually. Still trying to figure out the best way to do it. I think there is a lot to say, losing a sister. And then having a living sister to share all of it with. Thanks so much for commenting! It’s lovely to hear this stuff ;)

      • mywanderingmnd May 2, 2012 at 5:03 AM #

        Don’t know why my comment came through twice? Sorry! I had to read your mom’s book several times before I could even totally digest it. It haunted me, especially because I lived in the area & knew the people & places she mentioned, and my uncle remembered you. I was left wondering what happened “afterwards”, what the points of view were for the rest of the family. I’m sure it was difficult with your parents having to rightly spend so much attention to Kelly while the other 2 of you had your own lives. She seemed so mature for her age, I have to remind myself “she was only 8” every time I pass her school. You have an engaging writing style & quick wit-I wish you luck with whatever you decide to write about her.

Talk to me, Baby.

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