Bestie Friendiversary!

That’s a hide, signifying our friendship that utilizes all parts of the animal.

I like to celebrate things. Anything, basically. “It’s your birthday!” “That’s a baby you got there!” “It’s Taco Tuesday!” And I have friends who will do that with me. There’s a non-traditional traditional celebration of Thanksgiving (at Huber’s in Portland) with one of my girlfriends – never ON actual Thanksgiving, but usually with turkey. There’s the champagne cocktail happy hour my other girlfriend and I would religiously hit up at 3:59 in the afternoon (they opened at 4p). Sometimes there are coffee dates just because we like each other. Celebrate!

Just over a year ago, I met Crystal from Blend. We had both moved to LA from Portland, but only met in LA. Whatever sordid Oregonian history we had, was unbeknownst to each other. We were fresh meat! I loved her lipstick, her style, her sense of humor. She loved my lipstick, my style, and my sense of humor. (Hey, I own this blog. I can write whatever I want! But you’re right – I only wear Chapstick and I have unstyle-y-style.)I’ve never celebrated a one-year “I’ve known you this much!” with friends. Have you? Crystal and I agreed it had to be done! Our plans were specifically: “Beach picnic and something- whatever! It’s FRIENDIVERSARY!”

We decided on Malibu (we randomly knew two beaches which may or may not be the same beach, but we took it as a sign) and stopped by Trader Joe’s to pick up a few picnic treats.

There was cheese, champagne, fresh berries, a bona fide cracker assortment, a little meat, an edamame salad. It was a feast. We were in the wine aisle at TJ’s, trying to find a Malbec (like we’re just a regular ole pair of sommelialeighayerz), and a dog came up and sniffed our basket, then our lady bits. Like dogs do. My first reaction was all “Who’s allowed to bring dogs in here to have their way with me?” Then Miley Cyrus goes “Oh. Sorry…” and pulls her dog toward the register. And everyone in that aisle did the mouth agape / “was that Miley Cyrus” eyes to each other. We may live in LA, but we don’t always have to be jaded about it.

First stop in Malibu – the Country Mart. Which is not, as I originally had thought, an awesome New York Jewish deli. It’s an expensive strip mall. (No way! In Malibu??) But there’s a M.A.C. store! If you find yourself shopping with a makeup artist, go in. She will find the best stuff, while you act like creepy paparazzi.

Confession. I Photoshopped a unicorn horn-like zit that was growing out from between my eyes, in the following photo. I’m not ashamed to use Photoshop to correct a blemish. Or to put my head on Giselle’s body if I’m having a bloat-y day. I went to art school for this! Just using my education (wink!).

Outside the store, I found a French Bulldog tied to some rich people. I asked if I could pet their dog. I knelt down and they warned me she gets excited. I joked “I’ll take her off your hands if you need me to!” The lady owner smiled (I think — none of her face was making a smile shape) and she said to her husband “That’s Malibu… everybody wants each other’s dogs…[involuntary lip pucker and sneer].”

Ah. That’s Malibu! No one can move their face so that you know they’re joking and not being an a-hole.

Next stop was K Chocolatier. Their truffles are billed as “The Rolls Royce of chocolate” and they needed to get in my belly.
The shop is tiny and there are free samples of everything you like. The truffles are deadly and delicious (and spendy at $40 for a small collection). There is drinking chocolate, mint chocolate, coffee chocolate, chocolate covered rice… all packaged up in neat little flower boxes and minimalist cardboard “houses” stamped with the red signature K.

I think the lovely woman working there is on to me though. I’ve “sampled” the chocolates on two separate occasions without purchasing them. I can’t afford “the Rolls Royce” of anything! I’m more familiar with the “beat up Fiat, propped up on cinder blocks” version of the retail world.

We cracked open our Trader Joe’s lime and chili flake cashews and hit the Pacific Coastal Highway.This pink umbrella caught my eye, so we pulled over at this particular flea market. For the fanciest fleas.This sign, which I totally wanted so I could point it straight down into my apartment shower, was on sale from $210 to $65. It’s flimsy wood with paint on it!! $65? Crystal and I schemed a way to make my own…

As the sun was beginning to tuck in, we made it to Zuma Beach. Where we talked for hours about everything. Snacking, people watching, ocean watching. Crystal even spotted a bevy of porpoises. A pod? A MURDER??? All I know is that at one point I thought I had “sand in my champers” and we thought that was hilarious.

After noticing the people around us, we invented a game called “Are They Having Sex?”

1. Are they having sex?(We decided no. She’s sitting on his back and he’s face down in the sand. Still no word on why this was happening.)

2. Are they having sex?(The clothes seem to be “on”, but yo, their junk is all close. Viewer’s choice.)

3. Are they having sex?(—with the sand, maybe….But they won’t be having sex with each other. Ever.)

Thank you Crystal for an awesome Friendiversary! I’m totally crushed out on the tiny photo books she is putting together: the kitchiest, most fabulous photos from her stay at famously eclectic Madonna Inn in San Luis Obispo, CA. She has the best aesthetic for a place that sassy. If we all say we want them, I’m hoping she’ll post these little booksies on her Etsy too!



3 thoughts on “Bestie Friendiversary!

  1. Oh lordy. Your description of the plastic-surgeried lady is spot on. There’s a realtor down here in Laguna Beach who has had so much work done she literally can’t move her face. I want to scare her to see if her face splits like a ripe tomato.
    Hilariously fun post. Keep ’em coming!

  2. Ynow it is SUCH a good thing that you don’t know about my Portland past, cuz then you’d have to stop being friends with me, call the FBI, etc. Let’s just pretend I was born when I moved here k? Love ya girl! Can’t wait ’till next year, south of France, here we come!

  3. Pingback: Friendiversary II. | THIS IS LALA LAND

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