Lately my mind has been lingering a lot on “what have you got to show for yourself”. What specific things can I pinpoint as accomplishments and successes. Things that make me happy. That I’m proud of.
While my brain is downward spiraling, it’s hard to think of anything other than “nothing…” and lying on the floor of my bedroom until even my skeleton crushes under its own weight. Somehow I missed all the gold rings on the life-carousel. No kids, not married, no career success (and right now… very little acting at all), no house, no extra money, no — see? This list is coming out too easy.
I’m not even interested in half those things! At least not right now. What is wrong with me?? What is it that makes me feel like I have nothing going on. I was looking at some blogs today while doing freelance and it seemed like everyone had this adorable, perfect life happening — at least online. I can’t even pretend that’s happening on here.
Maybe I have to do one of those gratitude journals. I hate even writing the word “gratitude”. I know what it is and why it’s important to acknowledge it. It’s just one of those dirty LA words. Like “Piloxing” and “juice cleanse”. And “Fatburger”.
But, here goes. I am grateful for:
1. Ervin. (Somehow he always wants to spend time with me. And somehow we speak the same dying language of “Committed Relationship in Hollywood”.)
2. My health. (Knock on everything wooden.)
3. My family. (They haven’t forgotten me yet.)
4. My friends. (The ones who are far away and the ones who I can get stuck in traffic with.)
5. Day jobs enough to pay the bills. (Not making this list: the time it takes to do them.)
6. Clothes in my closet. (So I don’t have to buy the ones I want in the windows…)
7. The things I’m good at. You know who you are, talents.
8. Life. Today. There’s always a chance for something —