Violet, The Gibbon That Makes Me Feel Like Gibbons Are Like Us But More Smarter.

13 Jul

Welcome to the jungle desert. Where the morning sun is a million degrees and dust is to you, like white is to rice.

This was the day we were saving the Gibbons from potential brush fire, at The Gibbon Conservation Center with UCB Corps! My friend Amy Berrian came along with me (she’s up for EVERY adventure!). We left on Saturday at 7am. Ervin: “So… there’s no fire coming?” Me: “No.” Ervin: “Ok. Why are you up so early?” Me: “…I just have to be there at 9.” Ervin: “With no fire?” Me: “I think we would burn up in the bushes if there were one right now.” We knocked out some serious raking and hoeing (and ho-iiing!)! Even though we were all sweating our asses off, everyone was in good spirits. Our 25-person group cleared a huge area of dry brush. It felt good, even though I got a blister after the first hour and then more blisters from trying to hold the rake differently. We also were lucky enough to take a tour of the Gibbon habitat. They really are STUPID cute. Even though our guide tried to instill the fear of God in us, about them. They have long arms that do things. Like steal your sunglasses. (Aww). Or hold you helpless against the cage so they can bite your face. (…) But the furry babies!! OMG. And the hooting and barking at each other? It made us all laugh. It’s SUPER loud and startling, even when you think you’ve heard monkeys before.

There were these rescued Moscow Circus Gibbons who did the cutest little coo and then kind of an E.T. voice as they locked eyes on you in this way that says “Now is the time that I pee on you.”THEN, we met Violet. This is she:(*The part of Violet will be played by not-Violet, because I didn’t have any good photos of her.)

Violet has a pole in her cage that she kind of swung around like a sad stripper on a bad night with no tips.

Her story is that she’s learning how to be a Gibbon again. She had some surgery and rehab and ended up falling in love with her vet. Howard. So much so, that she would injure herself on purpose in order to see Howard. This was all discovered when she was placed with her “mate” and instead of doin it, she farted in his face. Thus, insulting the mate, who then didn’t want anything to do with her. Since the mates are selected in a pretty rigorous process, it’s important she not do the farting thing.

Meanwhile, Violet couldn’t stop thinking about Howard. Night and day, she pined for him. She thought about cutting her wrists so he would come to her rescue. Bandage her. Hold her. Wipe her furry forehead and kiss her on the mouth. With tongue – the other throbbing member.

(…maybe I could write inter-species romance novels…)

ANYWAY, Violet kind of captured my heart. I felt like I could understand her! Life’s flippin complicated!

It’s ok, Girl. Things will get better. Someday you’ll forget all about Howard… and you and your new guy will have sex 5 times a day just for fun. (Gibbon fun fact! And in the monkey world, that sex drive is LOW.)

Then it was time to head back into LA. Amy and I both agreed the best thing ever would be a nap that afternoon. When I got back to my place, I took one… Dreaming of Violet and Howard getting married and living happily ever after.

…No.

XX,

L

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2 Responses to “Violet, The Gibbon That Makes Me Feel Like Gibbons Are Like Us But More Smarter.”

  1. Amy Berrian July 16, 2012 at 11:44 AM #

    Hahaha, I LOVE it! Violet was my favorite part too. Just can’t help but love her. What a great adventure. Thanks lovely lady!

    • Lauren Bair July 17, 2012 at 12:56 AM #

      She was the best!! Thanks so much for doing that with me. It was so hard! Hahaha. XO

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