Archive | January, 2014

A Model Auditions.

27 Jan

eva_mendesSo…it’s been a while since I’ve gone on an audition. “OMG it’s pilot season! What’s wrong with her?!” My brain bitches to my heart. And my heart responds with a don’t-interrupt-me-while-I’m-eating-ice-cream-and-watching-Long-Island-Medium-and-feeling-sad-for-myself   “– I don’t know.”

I did finally get an audition through my agent, for the first time in forever. For a crappy play. In a town a hundred miles away. That is the actual distance. I’m pretty sure she hates me.

At least she didn’t ask me what I would do with my kids, if I got hired to do a show. “Um, leave ’em at home with some water and a really big bowl of cheese puffs, obviously. It’s just a couple months.”

I declined the theater audition, but I did go on a self-submitted audition for an allergy medicine. I was just getting over a cold. I. Was. Ready.

I walked in to a really backed-up cattle call type situation. And all the cows looked like me. “Moo. Did you sign in?” “Moo. No. The casting assistant is still at lunch, Moo.” “Ok. Moo.” I held my head shot like a top secret document. I hate for other actors to see my dorky picture. Or my resume, on the back. It’s tough because there’s not a benign third side.

All us actresses read the casting call, so we all looked like “Fresh! On the go! Not-Mom-ish!” Some gals did that in UGGS, some did it in flats. And one girl did it in animal print peep-toe platform heels. Continue reading

SLEEPOVER with Dan and Lauren (who is me).

20 Jan

sleepoverposterSo… my friend Dan Magro and I put this fun little show together.

It’s called Sleepover with Dan & Lauren and it premieres TONITE. So. Cancel your normal Monday Funday plans (what? That is not a thing) and glue your smartphone to your eyeballs at 8pm Pennsylvania time and 5pm California time to watch us.

Without spoiling anything, and to enjoy this very first episode, you’ll need: A nice cocktail, your favorite PJ’s, a jar of Vaseline, some good rope, a tarp, like – a lot of Febreeze… wait. No. That’s for this other thing… Continue reading

LAX-mas.

8 Jan

lancaster-county-pennsylvaniaHey you’uns! (I dunno — trying a colloquial Pennsylvania-ism, not from my town…)

How are you guys? Knee deep in a juice cleanse? Day 8 of not smoking? Did anyone time travel when 2014 struck? The other day I was driving around LA and saw more than one vintage car and thought “Omg, what if I time traveled and didn’t know it!” The radio assured me that I was safe and sound in the 70s. It was on a classic rock station.

I gotta be honest. 2014 is off to a discombobulated start for me. But enough about you, let’s talk about what I did for Xmas! Continue reading

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