Hey hey!! I know it's been a while, but I'm back, betches ;) And to the one person still reading this blog, this one goes out to YOU! (Mom, if it's you, pretend you're someone else, in the comments...) So, my parents just visited me in Los Angeles, and if it's not cool to wanna…
Tag: beverly hills
The Pleather Pants
I was thinking, YES. This is a happening. I got my boots, my LA-fake-Autumn sweater… my pleather H&M pants that fit like a glove. Like a glove that’s one size too small, on the hand of a man with sausage fingers. BUT. Still good. In my mind I almost looked like: Or even a little…
Rich-or-Treat.
It's my super favorite time of year at my delivery job! Where the night settles in just as my shift is starting, and I'm blindly feeling for doorbells and buzzers on dark porches where people have forgotten to leave the lights on for "service workers", like me. When dead bodies, bloody brides and elaborate pumpkin arrangements are common…
Crybaby.
I went to a callback yesterday for a job that I'm definitely booking because if there's one thing I know about this town, it's that forcing your hair into beachy waves and whitening your teeth with a homemade peroxide solution equals a successful career! I arrived at this callback in the same clothes I wore…
Pillow (Store) Fight.
I got into a fight. In a back alley. I was outnumbered, but I was armed. With my "sass mouth" as my Mom would call it. But first, let me give you some history 'bout this alley n me. I've spent the past year driving through the alley in my car. I know all the potholes…
Mannequin Whisperer.
Hey you guys! I don't have anything exciting to write about. A lot of little stories, but -- nothing that's jumping out to me. Do I write about how I got trapped inside Kelsey Grammer's Bel Air mansion gate? (No, it's not fun because I got out eventually.) Or how my roommates got me all…
35 Is The New Elderly.
An occupational hazard of working in Beverly Hills is that I am constantly surrounded by “youth”. The relentless pursuit of it, anyway. It appears in many forms. Baggy leggings, luxury convertibles, Botoxed earthworm-lips, so glossy you can check your own teeth in them, and of course, see-thru foreheads. I spend a lot of time hanging…
