I hate talking about this. Because I feel like someone will be like, “This is how a loser sounds, loser!” But. I’m going for it anyway.
This is a case for slow-motion.
For waiting. For the right timing. For baby steps.
( … F*** baby steps!!) I know. I’m with you. My preferred timing on things is: 1. Initial Attempt, 2. WILD SUCCESS.
But it doesn’t usually work like that. Except for people like this dude I met at an audition once who bro’d out on me like, “Pshyeah… my roommate was all, dude you should be an actor, and I was like, nah man, but then I went to this random casting, and booked this Budweiser thing, and made like $50,000!”
I don’t like to check my email right when I wake up, so I usually just check my email right when I wake up.
I found a message calling me in for a commercial audition! Yay! “MUST HAVE NICE FEET / NO FOOT MODELS / WEAR SOMETHING THAT SHOWS ARMS AND LEGS / BAREFOOT IN AUDITION”.
I blinked my eyes to confirm — ugh, fuck. FEET.
Clammy with a fresh terror sweat, I clocked my Sasquatch snaggle toes.
I’m a decent person. I’m into fitness and health (shh, fridge pizza, shhhhh). I like when people are happy and in love…
But y’know… what really gets me jazzed about livin’… COUPLES ACRO YOGA. Mmmmmmm…. fuckin love it. Continue reading
Hey hey!! I know it’s been a while, but I’m back, betches ;)
And to the one person still reading this blog, this one goes out to YOU! (Mom, if it’s you, pretend you’re someone else, in the comments…)
So, my parents just visited me in Los Angeles, and if it’s not cool to wanna hang out with your parents, then I don’t wanna be right. Or cool. Whatever. I loved hanging out with them and doing ALL THE THINGS. Continue reading
It was Melissa Fumero’s bday the other day, aka Detective Amy Santiago on “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” — one of the funniest shows on TV right now. She posted a pic of her on-set celebrations with bday-bud Kyra Sedgwick, a cake, and a whole mess of cast and crew, with the caption: “Workin at my dream job with my beloved castmates… cake for breakfast… been a pretty amazing birthday so far! #HowDidIGetHere” and I thought — man. I wanna be able to say that. (I know. My dream is an on-set birthday? With a cake I gotta share???!) It’s that *feeling* that I want. And the work. Together. Awesome if there’s also cake.
Then I thought — omg, duh. I had a tiny taste of this a couple weeks ago when I booked a commercial shoot in NYC. ENN WHYYYY CEEEE, BABY! It’s my favorite city in the world (– don’t tell LA, that betch get jellies). I was SO excited to jet-set across the country, and work as an ACTOR.
My plane landed at JFK and some kid behind me exclaimed “I can see the Empire State Building!” (Pause) “And the Golden Gate Bridge!”
No one corrected him. Continue reading
You’s guys. My bezzzz friend Dan Magro and I FINISHED 18 bonafide episodes of “Sleepover With Dan + Lauren”! And to celebrate — in lieu of having everyone over for the world’s sweatiest, most awkwardest actual sleepover — we threw a good ole fashioned party.
That’s us up top, kinda looking like DJs, kinda looking like we had a personal relationship with the bartender…(Looks like water, tastes like alcoholic Christmas trees!)We gussied ourselves up (I am definitely wearing that same dress I always wear: Mischa Barton’s hand-me-down Herve Leger, which I’ll wear until it becomes one sad little dangling bandage…) and hit Gold Coast in West Hollywood. With a million of our closest friends and fans (wink!). We felt totally honored that everyone came out to party with us (and watch the Season 1 finale!) It was — a total blast. Continue reading
I am having some JGSAD today. (June Gloom Seasonal Affective Disorder). June Gloom is this weird cloud layer (It’s not SMOG – I checked) that hangs around and makes the mornings dark and kinda chilly. I’m drinking iced cold brew coffee, wearing a sweater and shorts, squinting even though there is no sunshiny sun — WHAT IS REAL ANYMORE. But we Angelenos willingly accept this month-long punishment for having the best weather in the continental U.S. the rest of the year.
I mean, come on. My skin has become the thinnest layer of an onion, tolerating nothing but 75 degrees and mostly sunny. Thanks, Los Angeles!
That’s what THREE YEARS IN LA will do to ya. Turn you into a weenie who’s disturbed by clouds. I’ve actually been here 3 1/2 years and to celebrate, my old roomie Chris Turnham and I made our first pilgrimage to the Hollywood Sign! High atop the hills of mansions and celebrities, there are the letters: H-O-L-L-Y-W — ok, you can spell. Continue reading