I hate talking about this. Because I feel like someone will be like, “This is how a loser sounds, loser!” But. I’m going for it anyway.
This is a case for slow-motion.
For waiting. For the right timing. For baby steps.
( … F*** baby steps!!) I know. I’m with you. My preferred timing on things is: 1. Initial Attempt, 2. WILD SUCCESS.
But it doesn’t usually work like that. Except for people like this dude I met at an audition once who bro’d out on me like, “Pshyeah… my roommate was all, dude you should be an actor, and I was like, nah man, but then I went to this random casting, and booked this Budweiser thing, and made like $50,000!”
I don’t like to check my email right when I wake up, so I usually just check my email right when I wake up.
I found a message calling me in for a commercial audition! Yay! “MUST HAVE NICE FEET / NO FOOT MODELS / WEAR SOMETHING THAT SHOWS ARMS AND LEGS / BAREFOOT IN AUDITION”.
I blinked my eyes to confirm — ugh, fuck. FEET.
Clammy with a fresh terror sweat, I clocked my Sasquatch snaggle toes.
I’m a decent person. I’m into fitness and health (shh, fridge pizza, shhhhh). I like when people are happy and in love…
But y’know… what really gets me jazzed about livin’… COUPLES ACRO YOGA. Mmmmmmm…. fuckin love it. Continue reading
Hey hey!! I know it’s been a while, but I’m back, betches ;)
And to the one person still reading this blog, this one goes out to YOU! (Mom, if it’s you, pretend you’re someone else, in the comments…)
So, my parents just visited me in Los Angeles, and if it’s not cool to wanna hang out with your parents, then I don’t wanna be right. Or cool. Whatever. I loved hanging out with them and doing ALL THE THINGS. Continue reading
I was thinking, YES. This is a happening. I got my boots, my LA-fake-Autumn sweater… my pleather H&M pants that fit like a glove. Like a glove that’s one size too small, on the hand of a man with sausage fingers. BUT. Still good.
In my mind I almost looked like:
Or even a little like:
I pulled on the pants, buttoned the fly, and bent my knees to test for bendiness.
They made a little rubbery sound. — Ha. Continue reading
This is the real story of one woman, one murder, really complicated words, a disappearing knife, and a crappy cappuccino.
To be honest, I had been postponing my jury duty for months already. “I don’t get paid for this shit…” I mumbled to myself as I punched in the numbers to check in for my summons. It was my last day of calling-in, so I figured I was pretty much home free —- “YOU ARE REQUIRED TO REPORT ON FRIDAY AT 7:45AM.” I had to repeat the message from the robot on the phone. Ugh, crap.
OK, ok. I could do *one* day, downtown at the courthouse. I mean my work doesn’t pay me to be there, but — I work at night, the court stuff’s during the day, civic duty, might be a kinda cool, blah blah blah. Don’t be a weenie.
Besides. I could make it a fun experiment. Hey-oh! What a fun little day-in-the-life-of-a-reluctant-juror this will be! And then I’ll get back to my regular life! …Right?
It was Melissa Fumero’s bday the other day, aka Detective Amy Santiago on “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” — one of the funniest shows on TV right now. She posted a pic of her on-set celebrations with bday-bud Kyra Sedgwick, a cake, and a whole mess of cast and crew, with the caption: “Workin at my dream job with my beloved castmates… cake for breakfast… been a pretty amazing birthday so far! #HowDidIGetHere” and I thought — man. I wanna be able to say that. (I know. My dream is an on-set birthday? With a cake I gotta share???!) It’s that *feeling* that I want. And the work. Together. Awesome if there’s also cake.
Then I thought — omg, duh. I had a tiny taste of this a couple weeks ago when I booked a commercial shoot in NYC. ENN WHYYYY CEEEE, BABY! It’s my favorite city in the world (– don’t tell LA, that betch get jellies). I was SO excited to jet-set across the country, and work as an ACTOR.
My plane landed at JFK and some kid behind me exclaimed “I can see the Empire State Building!” (Pause) “And the Golden Gate Bridge!”
No one corrected him. Continue reading