Hey hey!! I know it’s been a while, but I’m back, betches ;)
And to the one person still reading this blog, this one goes out to YOU! (Mom, if it’s you, pretend you’re someone else, in the comments…)
So, my parents just visited me in Los Angeles, and if it’s not cool to wanna hang out with your parents, then I don’t wanna be right. Or cool. Whatever. I loved hanging out with them and doing ALL THE THINGS. Continue reading
Yeah, those are cold, hard $1’s. Bling it on!
Remember last year when Crystal and I had our special Friendiversary in Malibu, celebrating our friends-ness for one whole year? This was our second one! Cuz we still think each other is neat! [*Clink glasses!]
Our adventure started out in Los Feliz at the Vintage Cinema, to see The Bling Ring, the new movie by Sofia Coppola. Obviously. Best girlfriends, stealing together from celebrities, flouncing around in the coke-habit/Louboutin tax bracket… every girl’s dream! We got our popcorn and Junior Mints and enjoyed some A/C in the midst of an LA heat wave. Seated, in the very seats I sat in to watch Burlesque, almost 2 1/2 years ago when I got to LA.
Even then, I knew a scene where the Hollywood sign reflects upon your bus window – is impossible. Unless you’re in a flying bus. Or you’re Christina Aguilera and Cher is your fairy-god-mentor.
Bling Ring opened with a shot of a rich person’s front gate, at night, from the perspective of a security camera. “I’ve been to this house for my delivery job,” I thought. Then the shot reversed, and I could see the house. I leaned over to Crystal, and dribbled some annoying popcorn-breath information, “I’ve totally been in this house!” It’s like a long, modern, glass ranch-type place. I know this, because I have to walk by all the glass rooms when I drop off the food, always hoping I don’t catch them doing anything “private”, while at the same time, trying to find a human to sign the credit card slip. I always see their cat first.
When the movie was over, and I had eaten 90% of our shared Junior Mints, we stepped out on the street and became slightly melty popsicles.
“What do you wanna do?” I slapped my sunglasses onto my face.
“Malibu?”
And we were off. Riiiight into a bunch of cars, creeping along the highway. Summer makes the beach feel so far away, factoring in the soul-sucking amounts of traffic. But no matter! We could chat along the way!
“Sometimes I feel like every ship is sailing away, like, all the life-ships. Each one of them coming by and a bunch of people jump on and I say No, not this time, but you guys have fun! I’m just waiting for some… other… ship, I guess… and it keeps happening and I’m not really, like, doing anything with my life or something. Y’know?”
“Yeah.”
A good friend just lets you Debbie Downer for a while, and then reminds you about how in the movie they got started stealing out of fancy unlocked cars on the street and how we should totally do that, right? And it makes you forget all about your sad-sack sailing ships.
We stopped for fish n chips n stuff at The Reel Inn. Ervin first introduced me to that place. It’s perfect. You can chill with some food and a drink, on the deck, in the shade, right next to the ocean. Relaxing.
We passed by this wine tasting place, next door. We skipped the tasting and hit up the breathtaking photo opp. This must have been what Alice In Wonderland felt like when she was all small. And over 21.
It’s no trip to Malibu without feeling some amount of sand in your toes, so we spent a little time sitting on the beach, watching the waves and the people and talking about everything. Also, through modern science, we were able to face the Pacific Ocean, with the sun setting behind us. Whaa? Geography is hard.
“I’m like the only person without a tattoo,” Crystal said.
“Everyone has tattoos now. You’re interesting if you don’t have one,” I said.
“I’m too scaredy-cat to get one.”
“Well, You don’t put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari.”
“What??”
“I heard someone say that once. It’s true!”
“I’d be more like a… what’s that Back To The Future car?”
“A DeLorean?!?! WHAT?”
“Yes! You don’t put a bumper sticker on a DeLorean!”
“Where would you even put it? Where is the back bumper on that thing!”
And such and such.
Finally, it was time for us to go home so Crystal could get started on her cooking project for the weekend, and I could get back to obsessing over how crickets are getting into my second floor apartment, every nite.
The sunset was amazing, as it probably always is… Except this time, I was in the passenger seat, having just spent a really fun day with an incredibly great girl, who I’m lucky to call my friend.
So, naturally, it looked sparklier.
XX,
L
If someone calls you up and says “I have a convertible. Wanna drive to Malibu?”
Say yes.
You’ll get to hang out with your friend Jesse and your hair will do fun stuff.
Oh — Hello, Batman! (His other car is a Batmobile). That one’s for you, Jesse.
Have a fun and treats-y Halloween weekend, you guys!
XX,
L
My good girlfriend Piper drove down from SF this weekend to hang out with me in LA! It was exactly a year ago that she and I ventured down here for a random road trip and discovered UCB, the Korean spa, the legendary Formosa Cafe, La Poubelle, Susina Bakery, Sidewalk Cafe and the Santa Monica Pier at 2am. THIS time, she brought her pooch Fernando!
We did UCB again with Jeff Garlin’s show (he gives away stuff from his house and has stand-up special guests. He also took photos of my face. I don’t know if he remembered me). Piper and I also hit up La Poubelle again for some truffle fries (we did want to try the Parisian Prostitute cocktail, but stuck with a pour of house white), we saw Bridesmaids (brilliantly funny girl moments without being girlie), ate entire burritos at Mexico City (I did. I’m also applying for a server job there so I can eat burritos all day every day) and relaxed at Coogies Malibu with Fernando in our laps.
We also saw this in the sky over LA on 5/29. Anyone else see it?
Here is me, failing again at a career in wildlife photography, while trying to capture “Epic Fernando!” Too small in frame:
Too close:
Too… um…
I gave up. Here is Leo Carillo State Beach in Malibu! One of the few dog-friendly sandy spots in LA. And maybe the only public one in Malibu. Fernando got his digging on, while Piper and I got blowing-sand-facials — it was SO windy! And as usual, people were lying out in bikinis, immune to the relentless pelting of tiny needle-like grains. BBQ smoke infused our beach-blown hair. And I fell into some cactus bushes while trying to retrieve a beat up CD that said “Mix 3”. I thought I might discover a hidden treasure chest of secret tunes. Instead, I shamed myself by wiping out in front of strangers, I got a hundred tiny cuts on my hands and the CD didn’t play in my car. Success!
OK, so I have a hard time giving up attempts at wildlife photography. I try again. Here’s Fernando at Coogies. And Piper, in a composition kinda like this one. Sigh. Someday I’ll get it. 
XX, L
Lauren Bair
